2005 almost gone!

This last year has sucked for me. I always say I hate making those new years resolutions but this year I am going to do it. Yes I am going to make the most popular one. LOSE WEIGHT! I am not going on a diet because I don't believe in diets. I am going to lose the Dr. Pepper and exercise. I will be writing about this little experience here. My goal by next Dec 30th is 50 pounds. I will settle with 20 but I would really like 50.

The biggest change this year is that my son is doing a lot better. Yes he is still hyper as hell but not as mental. I hope he can continue with this and I will be able to start school this fall.

Oh yeah its Dec 30th and still no ring on my finger. The boy is trying harder since our okay huge fight which ended up with me getting a dozen of roses. My son said mom soon just wait. Now I don't know if he knows something but I guess oh well.

This year has been a trying one but hell I got thru it. I cant wait till May when I am in Vegas. My first Vacation is in Februrary then in May. I also took one in August. This is going to be the year just to relax. This year I am going to try to find someone for my Best friend Red!! Dang that girl is awesome and these men are missing out! Peace out I am tired!

I am tired!!

So the last thing I talked about is how my man is an asshole. Yes he still is one but I am liking him a little more right now. I worked 2 to 10 on Friday night and sitting around bitching about him to the girls. I got up and finally decided to get to work and this lady came up to me with a dozen roses and said they are for me. First thing I thought was who the hell are these from? There is no way these are from my man. First he doesn't care about my feelings and second he never buys me anything. I read the card and it says I am sorry! What the hell? I couldn't believe it. Did he actually care? Surprised the hell out of me. I must of put my foot down and he ran scared. Thank God for that! So I called him and told him thank you. He said something to me which came out the wrong way and I told him that he needs not to say anything else because he was fucking it up. I came home after work and he was sleeping. I woke him up! Boy did I woke him up. He was pleased. The rest of the night was hell. Yes I waited till last moment to wrap all 30 presents. That sucks! We woke up early Saturday morning and opened up presents. Christmas eve night we went to my mom's house and opened up her presents.


Here are my boys opening up presents. It was a lot of fun. We came home and bummed around and got our bags packed to go to the mans parents house. That was a lot of fun but the fireworks didn't go off there. I thought his sister was going to tell his mom off but she didn't. I am going to bed cause I just got home and I have had shit for sleep for the last couple of days. Merry Christmas one and all!!

Read at your own caution!!

Starting to think how long will I make excuses for him? Okay yeah yeah he has had a hard childhood and I feel bad for him but when is it time to grow up and be a man? What he has before him is good and he wants to be pissed about what he hasn't had in his past. I am here showing you love and making you feel like you are the greatest guy around and you are there pushing my love away because you cant handle it.

Yes he pissed me off again last night big time. He went out and bought himself something for $40 and I was a little let down. I asked him if he was going to buy me something for Christmas? He told me no. Okay for every holiday I buy him something and return I get shit! So you went out and bought you something and you are not planning on buying me something bullshit!! So he said okay I will buy you something. Hell no fucker!! Why oh why do I have to push him to buying me something? Can you please thank of someone besides yourself??? I am sick and tired of it. He asked if I was mad at him and I told him this.. No I am not mad at you I am pissed off at myself because for 5 years now you have treated me like shit and I put up with it. I am sick of it and I am getting smarter now and one of these days when my shit is gone then you will become a man and figure out where you went wrong. He was silent! He wouldn't talk to me all night. I am hoping he is thinking about it. Shit who knows he has no clue. I told him that his family our friends and everyone in this damn world why the hell he hasn't proposed to me yet? Now come on fuck the paper gets signed shit goes south. I am damn sick of that excuse also. Am I not worth the commitment? Seems like it huh? Fuck him anyway! Now I know why my sister likes girls she doesn't have to put up with men's shit!! Damn I am pissed today! Cant tell can you?

My goal for next year fuck the excuses!! I don't want to hear any of them.

I have shit to say!

I spent last weekend at my dad's house for Christmas. It went okay but my damn kids fought with each other the whole time. I felt like I was going to have a mental breakdown. Sunday night on the way back we stopped at my man's sisters house. We have never been there. I really like his sister. I learned a lot about my man that night. He had a shittier up bringing that I realized. Poor guy!

Okay I had a freak thing happened to me today. One of my patients wives got really sick so we had to call 911. When they got there I stopped dead in my tracks and about died. The guy I saw did the same thing. Yes he was a good friend of mine from highschool. I caught up with him again when I had my oldest son. He was in the military and happened to be back around that time. He got me a dozen roses. It was a weird thing because I wasn't really for sure what was up with that. He was suppose to come over to my house one night and didn't show up and I never heard from again. He was only back for 1 week so I blew it off because he had friends and family to visit plus we were just friends. So back to today... I freaked out just seeing him. I knew a couple years back that he moved back here and became a firefighter captain. But I totally forgot about him till now. The girls I worked with said he sat there in the room and just watched me the whole time. Hey that's cool. I would of just loved to have a convo with him. Nothing more than just to say hi and what are you up to. That man has to be married by now and have little ones. Dang it I forgot his last name. Oh well!!

Monday sucks

This Monday has sucked! So far everyone I have talked to thought so also. My sister got into a car accident this morning. I had to run up to school twice this morning because of my son. I am just tired. I work last night and had to wake up early this morning and work. Damn I am craby.

Christmas is coming and I am not happy. I thought things were going to change with my mans family. Okay I got them to draw names but we still have to go out there Christmas eve. I hate being woke up at 4am from kids that want to open up presents. I swear I am going to throw a fit.

I swear my man is a dumb ass. He works a full time job and a part time. Thank god for that because we are getting our debts paid but he works all the time. He doesn't really manage his time very well. He works from 8am to 4:30pm. He gets home and eats and stuff. He should go to his other job at 5:30pm the he would be home at 10:30pm. No No this boy is the biggest procastantor and he waits till 10:00 to go to work so now he will be home at 3am and only get 4 hours of sleep. He always ask why I get mad its because when he gets tired who does he take it out on? Yes me!! Fucking men! Just manage your time! Yes thank you for making extra money!!

Peace out!!

shit ass day

So this day has started shit! I lost my purse. Okay I think there is funny business behind this. I went to bed and it was in the living room and now its gone. I think my oldest son had something to do with it. I am freaking out silently about this. I know after I get to work and realize I didn't forget it there then I will freak out big time. All my money is in there. FUCK!!

Boring life

Life is pretty much boring. I am heading off to work pretty soon. Yes and its snowing again. I picked up my niece this morning and took her to school. She is getting that age to where no one matters but her friends. So I better try to get in there a little here and there cause soon she will be gone to her bratty teenager years where I will not be cool.

I better be going! Peace out!

Dec 5th

I am completely froze. This damn weather!! I hate snow! My car is old and hates the cold weather also. Please can I have summer again? Okay enough bitching.

Work went pretty shitty which I called last night. I did take a shower last night but a lot of them avoided me like a plague. Well that is okay because I know that I haven't done nothing wrong so they can be mean to me and I really don't care. Dang my life is getting boring here lately. I go online everyday and look up prices for Vegas because I just to get thro the day at work. Yes I am going to stay at New York New York Casino for 5 days 4 nights for $450. I cant wait but its still not until May. I have been looking for cheap and free things to do there. I am going to some night club there.


This is what happened a year ago....Written in my diaryland journal

59 p.m. - 2004-12-05

Isn't it fun sometimes how things happen? I sit here and keep thinking about what just happened. My mom got me a ticket to the "singing Christmas tree" this in my town is a huge thing. This is the first time I have gone. So anyway we get there early and get our seats. So along came this guy that sat down infront of us and was joking around with us. He asked me some questions. He asked if I was married and I said no not any more. He told me that I need to start being so hard and come to terms with everything. The show started and when it was over I got up and headed out. The guy stopped me and gave me a hug and said trust me it will get better and this was a great place for you to be tonight. I do believe in God and stuff I also believe that this meeting was suppose to happen. Its just kind of weird. I sit here and think yes I am a mental mess. I know what I need to change but the energy level is not always there. Can others around me change also? Meaning my BF and kids? I have a lot of work on myself. I need to make this decision to do this. Okay I need to go and clean some clothes.


I am going to try to find something fun to do.....

Just another

There is still snow on the ground. It has been snowing since Sunday. Its really getting old. Thank God I am in a nice warm home. Today my son woke up with a fever and a sore throat. I woke up with sinus crap. I decided to call in for the day. My head felt like it was going to explode. I hate it with this shit happens.

Tomorrow I am helping Sarah with her sex toy party. It should be quite interesting.
This is going to be short and sweet cause I need to head to bed.